Save me, I'm lost
Oh lord I've been waiting for you
I'll pay any cost
Save me from being confused
Show me what I'm looking for
-Carolina Liar
I'm a person who finds relief in music. I love it when I can find a song where I can relate parts of it or the whole thing to my life. It provides me with a sense of comfort and lately, I've been finding comfort in a few songs.
It's over now, I'm cold, alone
I'm just a person on my own
Nothing means a thing to me
Oh nothing means a thing to me
-K's Choice
I'm miles from where you are
I lay down on the cold ground
And I, I pray that something picks me up
And sets me down in your warm arms
-Snow Patrol w/Martha Wainwright
Here we are again, circles never end
How do I find the perfect fit?
There's enough for everyone
But I'm still waiting in line
Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone
-Natasha Bedingfield
And for the times where I'm feeling optimistic...
I might have to wait, I'll never give up
I guess it's half timing, and the other half's luck
Wherever you are, whenever it's right
You'll come out of nowhere and into my life
-Michael Buble
Lately I've just felt so empty inside. I feel like I'm just going through the motions. Part of me can't wait until I can go to bed at night because I don't have to think about my life. I wish I could just take a break from my life and not have to think about finding a job that I think I'll at least be satisfied in, moving out of my parents' house, and finding a relationship. It's just all so much to think about at once.
On top of that, I don't have anyone to talk to about it because it seems like there is no one who understands any of this. The one friend I've tried to talk to about this stuff just ends up frustrating me because she doesn't get any of this. I don't think she understands just how unhappy I am right now. I've had two other friends contact me within the last week asking me how I am and I just haven't had the energy to be all perky and stuff with them. I feel kind of bad because I probably came off as a complete bitch to the one friend because the email I sent back to her was all short and stuff. Luckily the other friend contacted me on Facebook so it's not like I had to get in depth about my life on that.
The one friend I have tried talking to just tells me to change stuff, but how? How do you go about changing your life when you feel so broken and defeated with life? How do you change the person you've been for 24 years and make yourself more approachable to a guy or have the confidence to approach a guy? The thing I want most right now is a relationship because then maybe I wouldn't feel so alone. I realize a relationship wouldn't solve all my problems, but I think I would be able to deal with the other stuff better if I had someone to lean on and at this point in life, it seems like most people I know have their significant other to lean on and I'm stuck here all alone.
Right now, I just feel like I'm waiting and I have no idea what the hell I'm waiting for.
I so know how you feel, you pretty much took the words out of my mouth. I'm 24, live at home and have no boyfriend. Plus my parents pretty much treat me like an infant, its like they are completely incapable of seeing me as an adult.
ReplyDeleteMove out and get your own place. You will feel stronger and your outlook will change. Money will be short, you won't be in as nice of a place, and you may have to do without some things like cable and DSL; but, you'll feel more like an adult. In return, your self-respect and self-image will blossom and you'll start to shine.
ReplyDeleteThe Angel and Demon Within: It would be nice if it were that simple, but it's not. I don't expect to live in a nice place whenever I do move out or have cable. The internet is something I would have to have, though. But that's just a minor cost compared to things such as rent and utilities, auto insurance, student loans, and food. Considering I work a minimum wage job right now, I would barely have enough money to just pay rent. I do think that moving out would help me a great, but unfortunately right now it's not an option.
ReplyDelete