I'm not a big fan of the weekends. I would probably like them more if I had a Monday-Friday job, but I don't, so therefore there is really no point in me getting excited about the weekends.
Friday and Saturday nights are the worst. I guess because I feel like those are the nights I should be having a social life and I don't. I don't have many friends, which isn't that big of a deal to me since I've never really felt the need to have a whole bunch of friends, but it would be nice if the friends I have were more available or lived closer so I could have more of a social life.
Unfortunatley for me, though, my friends have their own lives or live far away, which means I typically sit at home on Friday and Saturday nights bored out of my mind. These are the nights that I wish I had a boyfriend. I really don't feel the need the need to go out, though it would be nice on occassion. I'm fine just sitting around and watching tv or a movie, but it would be nice to have someone to do this with other than my parents. It would be nice to have a partner to be bored with or find random things to do.
Most people would probably just say that I should go out and find some sort of activity to do so that I can make more friends, like it's something that's so easy. I've debated taking some sort of yoga class because it's something I'm interested in, but that costs money. My friend recently started to do roller derby and wanted me to join her. I went with her the first time she went to watch and see what it was all about, but it's just something I'm not interested in. However, it did inspire me to look around to see if there were some kind of recreational soccer, volleyball, or basketball leagues around me, but there aren't. If there were any around, they are something I would definitely consider doing as long as it wasn't too expensive. Other hobbies, such as cooking classes and art classes, also cost money, plus they're something I'm not that interested in anyway so even if I did have some money, I wouldn't be able to justify doing them. So it's not easy for me to just go out and do stuff due to lack of money and activities available.
Sometimes I just get so tired of my life. There are times where I wish I could take all of the thoughts out of my brain and just not think or feel anything. I feel so lonely sometimes, especially on the weekends. I just feel like this is what the rest of my life is going to be like and wonder what the point of my life is sometimes. I'm not suicidal or anything. In reality, I think I'm too optimistic to take my own life because there's that part of me that says that my time will come, whenever that may be. And even if I wasn't optimistic, I would never be able to put those who care about me through all of that pain.
I just wish sometimes that I could just take a break my life and go live someone else's life. Or I wish I could just go to sleep for awhile and wake up a few months from now and suddenly have all the answers to life. I think a lot of people wish for that.
Luckily, it's almost the time I typically go to bed so I don't have to put up with this boredom and loneliness much longer, at least for tonight....
It is very difficult to meet friends & finding activities? Meh! It's too difficult & expensive most of the time. My days off tend to be Wednesday & Thursday, all I do is try to make myself read because I can't handle all the worries in my head. I too wish I could just take a break from my life for a while or become a little less sensitive to the anxieties.
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