Another year has come and passed. My New Year's was okay. A group of us rang in the new year just hanging out at my friend's house playing games. The was made up of two married couples, myself, and two guys, one who is friends with one of the married couples who I'll call Z. It started off well, but as the night went on, I started to get a little irritated.
I had been kind of looking forward to the night knowing that my friends were bringing this guy Z them mostly because it led me to wonder if I could possibly hit it off with him. Unfortunately, I don't think he was really my type. We started the night off by playing this question board game where you pick cards that have a variety silly and serious questions on them. One person reads the questions while everyone else writes down their answer and the person who asked the question has to guess which answer belongs to who. There were times when we would get sidetracked from the game so needless to say it took awhile. There were a few times where I had to ask a question or read the answers when everyone was talking so I would just wait for a break in the conversations to start. Well, there were times where Z would speak up and say that I had to ask a question and what not, which got on my nerves. I guess I'm not really the type who likes others speaking up for them.
Later on, Z started talking to me, asking me where I went to school and whether I was still looking for a job. I told him how I wanted to find something in the area and then he went off on how he plans on moving out of state because our state is pretty much screwed when it comes to job growth. In a way, I got the feeling he thought I was a little stupid for wanting to stay in the area, but maybe I'm just overanalyzing it.
Things started to get a little awkward as it got closer to midnight. My friend's husband started to pour champagne and sparkling cider for us to toast at mignight. I really wasn't feeling either so I asked for water. I got crap from everyone for only wanting water, so that irritated me. Then my friend's husband said something about how I was supposed to be getting drunk so that I would sleep with Z, in which Z then thanked him or something for saying that (note that this wasn't the husband who brought him to the party). Luckily, I was talking with a friend when this exchange happened so I was able to some what pretend I didn't hear it. A few minutes later, something was brought up about it being hot in the house and Z said that it was because of his hotness, in which the same husband as before said that Z should ask me about that. Seriously?? Can we say awkward?
I was pretty irritated by then so I went to bed soon after midnight. As I was laying in bed, I thought about the evening. While I don't think I really liked Z, I also wonder if maybe I didn't give him enough of a chance since I had mostly closed myself off from him for most of the evening. When he was talking to me, I had this feeling I was kind of being observed by some of my friends which made me feel weird. I've been friends with the two other girls and other guy there since high school so they're aware of my lack of experience with guys, and I'm sure the husbands of the girls are as well. I kind of felt like a freakshow when I was talking to Z which kind of frustrated me. I know I shouldn't care about what others think of me, but I do. So, I guess this means I can count on not meeting anyone through friends since I likely won't be able to carry a conversation with them if others are around haha.
Here's hoping I'm able to meet someone in 2011. At this point, I'm not sure if I even care if it leads to a long term relationship. I just want to meet someone. Preferably, without feeling like I'm being observed by others.
I do think that you could have given Z more of a chance but I see where you're coming from- it's incredibly hard to do that when everyone is watching you with their own expectations. It's an incredible amount of pressure.
ReplyDeleteBut I don't think you should use that as an excuse to not meet people through friends. Your best bet there is to just try to ignore them and do your own thing. It's difficult at first but you may hit gold just doing that.
i think maybe you weren't attracted to Z right off the bat and it didn't help with added pressure from your friends. no one likes to feel like that lone single everyone is trying to set up. but i don't think you should discount friend's friends yet. maybe just tell your friend not to make it into such a big deal hence making it awkward. there are actually some friends who are totally cool when they are setting someone up and just treat it like a bunch of friends hanging out.
ReplyDeleteIf things are awkward for you, just say that then! "ok thats just wierd" to the husband will do. If they keep pushing it find other people to hang out with
ReplyDeletethat definitely has happened to me before, it's like they are actually looking your way and talking among themselves on how you're acting and stuff, like a darn movie
ReplyDeleteWow, I just stumbled upon this blog, and I swear that if I didn't know better, I swear I'd written it. The few things that I've read mirror my life. Please know that you aren't alone in this type of situation.
ReplyDeleteJust read through this post very carefully. What seems to be at the heart of the problem is not as much your lack of boyfriend, but rather, the overall weariness and misery that happens as a result of leading a life which does not really bring emotional satisfaction. As a psychologist, I would strongly recommend a change of scene and a new start.
ReplyDeleteIf you like, we could chat about this and other problems!
*greetings*
Lilith